right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
