Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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