Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
