P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
