Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
