32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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