TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
