Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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