We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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