All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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