walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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