Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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