just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
