Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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