So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
