I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
