The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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