You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
