hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize