I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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