Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
