I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
