Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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