dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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