I just pynch a tree in the face
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
