Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize