Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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