everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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