kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had to cum in my sink.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize