Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
