becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
