He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
