My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
