you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
