Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
