Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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