Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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