I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
