Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
