On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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