went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
