Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
