nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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