So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
