so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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