Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
