it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
