Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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