Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
