At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
