i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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