I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
