I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
