I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
