his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize