I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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