He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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