Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
