Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My vagina is officially offended.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
