So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
