i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
