She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize