I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
