Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
