I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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