Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
