An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My dick has a subreddit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
soo... how was my night?
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