I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
