WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
