just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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