a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
