sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
