when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
