Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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