im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
