Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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