i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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