we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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