I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
