A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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